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Young adults all over the world are looking for love. Love can be of many kinds, such as fatherly love, motherly love, brotherly love, parental love, or love for one's country. But in this essay I wish to focus on love between a man and a woman.
Many people ask, what is the best way to attract a woman, or what is the surest method to attract a man. In other words they wonder if there is a technique to making and keeping a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
A wise man was once asked to reveal the rules of succeeding in love. His answer was, there is only one rule of love, that is that there are no rules. You just have to be yourself. Just act natural and you will be fine.
So, there is no simple technique for making a girlfriend or a boyfriend, just as there is no simple technique for finding a good job or for getting promoted at work. But there are certain rules that one must follow to make it easier to find a boyfriend or a girlfriend, just as there are rules for landing a good job, or for getting promoted.
The first rule for getting a girlfriend is that you must try. If you do not try, how can you succeed? Have we not heard many times that nothing is achieved without trying?
To make a girlfriend, you have to visit places where boys and girls of your age gather in social setting. Such a place can be a temple, a church, a sports event in your community, or a dinner party hosted by a family friend. When you attend such social events, you have a chance to meet girls of your age group. You need to become talkative and talk to girls at such events. Overcome your shyness and talk to girls, on any topic under the sun. Stop being self-conscious and talk about any topic that comes to mind. The more girls you talk to, the more chances there are that you will find a girl who is interested in you.
Despite what some people may tell you, it is the man who has to take the initiative and approach the girl. Do not expect girls to ask you out on a date. Due to genetics, girls expect boys to ask them out on date. They may show interest in you, but it is the man who has to ask a woman and not vice versa. It has ben said that a shy person has a hard time making a friend. So, stop being shy and approach people.
Some people have three hundred, or three thousand friends on Facebook, but they have very few friends in real life. Friends on Facebook who lives in far off countries are of little use because it is very difficult to meet them. Why not focus on making friends in your own city or town?
If your Facebook friend lives in your own city or town, then after exchanging messages via Facebook, meet him or her and see if you like each other. In my essay "Friendship and Romance", I have given some tips on how to approach girls and make a girlfriend. [1]
Click here to read my essay, "Friendship and Romance".
Click here to read my essay, "Unrequitted love".
Another rule of love is that if you cannot win the girl who is too beautiful, or too smart, why not lower your expectations a little? Remember, everyone wants to have a girlfriend who is rich and beautiful. But if you love a girl from a poor family, it proves that you are truly spiritual, and that you are not materialistic like most folks are. If you marry a girl who is poor or whose social status is lower, and if you help her to improve herself in her life, you will gain immense satisfaction that you helped someone. This feeling that you helped someone will help you too. Remember Swami Vivekananda's saying that even a little bit of work done for others awakens the power within.
Also Indians, Asians and Arabs have the great benefit of using arranged marriage to find a love partner. In arranged marriage, one gets to know the partner a little before marriage, but love really blossoms after the marriage. Because the marriage has been arranged with the consent of both families, it has a higher chance of surviving for long. Such a marriage is not just union of two souls but a union of two families. The two families support the couple and help them in resolving problems that may crop up in their marriage.
The best way is to send a polite message to her that you like her, and that it is obvious to you that she does not want to get closer. You should tell her that you would not bother her in the future but that she was free to approach you in case she changed her mind. After sending such a message, you should relax and get busy with your life.
Now, try your best to get her off your mind. Do not get obsessed with her. You should not check your e-mail inbox, ten or fifty times a day looking for a reply from her. You know she rejected you; so, there is no point in pursuing her. Be a man, and be strong. Develop strong will power. Neither be nasty to the girl who rejected you, nor get obsessed with her.
Remember there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Just as you do not stop trying to find a job, after one employer rejects you after interviewing you, you must not get discouraged and stop talking to other girls.
The worst thing you can do is to start hating the girl for rejecting you, or sending her threatening messages, or using abusive language with her, or creating fake profiles in her name on websites and trying to harass her.
Remember you loved her, so how can you be hateful towards one whom you loved? As Leibniz says, to love is to find your own happiness in the happiness of the other. You loved her but she would be happy if you did not bother her or if you stopped contacting her. So, if you truly loved her, then follow the advice of Leibniz and find your own happiness in what makes her happy. This means you should stay away from her and stop sending her messages or love letters.
Also remember that girls admire men who are successful in their lives. So, try to achieve success by holding on to your job, by taking courses or training to get a better job or try to get promoted at your present job. Achieve financial success by learning to manage your money and try to make yourself financially strong. Try to become physically fit and also improve your emotional health. Try to gain more self-confidence by thinking positive thoughts. Become a better person by embracing spirituality which means learning to forgive others, and to control the base instincts like lust, anger, envy, and greed.
Remember, anger is very destructive and one who has learnt to control anger is the one who is praised by others and respected by his family and friends and coworkers.
Once a young man asked a wise man that he had been rejected by a woman he adored and loved. He was very disheartened and asked the wise man for advice. This advice by the wise man is as follows.
You are hurt because you were rejected by a woman. If you chase a woman who rejects you, you only make her despise you. Never, and I mean NEVER try to win a woman’s heart by acting weak and desperate. First of all you don’t want a moon bat liberal as your woman. If a woman dumps you, at any stage of the relationship, whether it is in the Internet chat room, after the first date, after three years of dating or after fifteen years of marriage, just leave her.
Instead of showing any disappointment and begging her to give you another chance, remain calm and thank her for bringing the subject up. Tell her you were thinking about it for some time and did not know how to break it up to her and that you are relieved that she has come to the same conclusion on her own. Don’t be too theatric here. Pretend you are sorry for the end of the relationship but it is something you had thought about and find inevitable.
This will suddenly change the balance of power. Women don’t like a weak man. They respect you more if they see you are in charge at all times.
Don’t become nice, and don’t try to win her back by buying her gifts, calling her in the middle of night, and text messaging her all the time. These things will make her want to run away from you more.
Accept rejection like a man and move on. There is plenty of fish in the sea. If this woman has been part of your life for a long time, go and have fun, put on your best cloths, start dating and make sure she sees you with another woman quite 'accidentally' even if that woman is just your cousin whom she does not know. Nothing puts off a woman more than a desperate man. Even when you don’t have a date act as if you have. Pretend to be busy and let her imagine you are dating.
Be loving and compromising to your woman when she is with you. Once she leaves you, leave her at once. Your lovey-dovey behavior will only put her off and ensure that she will not want to see you again. Don’t cheapen yourself for a woman. That is not the way to their heart.
Don’t show off your expensive car and don’t take her to expensive restaurants . They don’t work. Instead become passionate about something. It could be your work or a cause or anything you are good at. This will make you look a lot more attractive. It makes you enter in the league of great men.
Remember that relationships have two stages, courtship and commitment. During the courtship, you must never show your feelings. She must always wonder whether you find her attractive or not. Keep her guessing. As long as this curiosity is not satisfied, the chances are that she will stick around and remain interested in you. The moment you show your hand and express your undying love, she loses interest. She wants to conquer you. Once conquered she will go to her next prey. Easy preys are not attractive to women.
After the courtship stage, comes the commitment stage. At this stage you want to give her complete assurance that she is the only person in your life and the most beautiful women in the world. Spoil her with gifts, take her out and treat her like she is special and unique.
If you do these things in the reverse order, i.e. act sweet and complying during the courtship and indifferent during the commitment stage, you will either not find the woman of your dream or you will lose her.
Here is another thought to always keep in mind.
References
[1] Friendship and Romance by Barry Nirmal, http://myads.org/journal/bkn27.shtml